Voices of Children & Families

 

My family and I have, and are continuing to experience the most difficult time in our lives.
Fifteen months ago, Rupert, my then seven year old son, suffered a brain injury and physical
trauma as a result of three unexplained falls. At first our team of experts told us he had a
concussion, as time wore on they added second impact syndrome and then he was given the
long term prognosis of post concussive syndrome. The first half of 2012 was a blur of hospital,
doctor, specialist and rehabilitative appointments, often five to seven a week. In between
appointments, Rupert would rest in bed or he would struggle in his Grade Two classroom. Every
day we questioned “Why him?” Every day, through the fear and exhaustion of our heartbreak,
we recommitted to support him in any and every way possible during his time of recovery.
Rupert, always highly motivated and good natured, has worked diligently to achieve modest to
moderate improvement in differing areas. Even though the work is laborious, repetitive,
physically and mentally exhausting he never complains, even when he has every right to.
Rupert knows that he is a different boy now. Just over one year ago he could write, spell, speak
and think clearly, do mathematics, remember things with great ease, and possessed limitless
energy, optimism and confidence. The reality of this change has taken a great psychological and
emotional toll on the whole family. (Parenting a young child who is experiencing an existential
crisis, not to mention a brain injury, was not in any of the parenting handbooks I read!) The past
months have taught us that we can not fix him or go back. After a lot of work, we have let go of
all expectations that Rupert will wake up and be who he once was. After much grieving, we can
now wholeheartedly accept and lovingly embrace the new Rupert. He is still having a hard time
accepting this but we have faith he will...someday.
As one knows when one is faced with extraordinary challenge, extraordinary things result. We
are actively trying to find clarity and perspective so that we might see the gifts that we were
given in exchange for the hardship endured. With some reflection, we have concluded that we,
collectively and independently have grown a tremendous amount with regards to strength,
focus, skills, and wisdom. Our priorities are alined with our values and, although we are frayed
around the edges, the fabric of our family is a tighter knit than it was before. As we navigate the
next couple of years of his recovery, our approach will be holistic and our focus healing. Our
new goals are to give Rupert the tools and opportunities to find happiness, success and health
on his new trajectory.
For months and months, my family put our shared life on hold - not so patiently waiting for
things to get back to normal. We now know that we are not on a detour slowly weaving our way
back, but on a new road. As we say good bye to what once was and what will never be, we are
heartened by thoughts of what is and what shall be. No, we can’t yet see the light at the end of
the tunnel, but knowing that it is ahead, our path is brightened.
My family and I have, and are continuing to, experience the most difficult time in our lives - full
stop. It is also necessary to add, that my family and I day to day, moment to moment are
choosing to learn, to grow, and to see the good and the beautiful that dwells within us and that
surrounds us. A brain injury is a tragedy, but for us it is also an invitation to live a life of greater
depth and breadth. For that we give thanks.